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No pregnant ladies…

No pregnant ladies…

I was having some delicious sushi with some dear Northern friends of mine, when I noticed a particular icon on my Japanese beer bottle.

I don’t follow health news at all, but even I know that pregnant ladies are generally discouraged from smoking and drinking. So why they need a particular icon to signify that, in the unlikely event that a pregnant lady picks up a bottle of Sapporo beer, is anyone’s guess!

The temptation to make this my new avatar is quite high…

In other American news, a pregnant lady is admitted to hospital. She’s a smoker. The doctors go to court to argue that she should be confined to bed until the baby is born, to stop her smoking and harming the baby. The courts agree.

Bizarre things on the Internet #24

Bizarre things on the Internet #24

Stories featuring Roy Orbison. Wrapped in clingfilm.

Eating in America…

Eating in America…

I’ve been in Ohio for ten days now, give or take, and aside from the aforementioned so-called Asian doughnuts, I have been introduced to such culinary delights as:

country fried steak for breakfast. This would be a pork steak covered in breadcrumbs, and then deep-fried – for breakfast. Even the Scottish with their deep-fried Mars bars wouldn’t cover it in breadcrumbs first. In the interests of research, I had to try this as part of a three-plate breakfast buffet.

Of course, if only I hadn’t then had to go on a Easter egg hunt looking for candy-filled Easter eggs for kids (with a side-trip to Arbys for a roast beef sandwich and a malted milkshake), and then onto a sumptuous evening dinner with some wonderful potato concoction that turned out to be twice-baked potato or something…

– In the UK, it’s called a Welsh rarebit and often the butt of national jokes about Welsh cuisine. But in Ohio, melted cheese sandwiches are revered at Melts, a rather cool bar’n’grill where the menu comes on the back of old vinyl covers. Shame that a melted cheese sandwich apparently takes an hour from ordering to arrival.

– After that came a dessert course of hot fudge ice cream at Malleys. The Americans, they like their ice cream. Even at 1pm on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

However, there are side-effects that come from eating out in America.

Cadburys’ made liquorice lozenges. Called Nigroids.

Cadburys’ made liquorice lozenges. Called Nigroids.

Nigroids from Ernest Jackson Madame Laudanum popped down to her local chemist, and found a tin of liquorice lozenges. Called Nigroids. Through a bit of Googling, we discover that the manufacturer of said Nigroid liquorice lozenges – Ernest Jackson & Co. Ltd – are apparently owned by Cadbury’s.

I’m still rather amazed they’re still called that. What possible reason would you have for calling liquorice lozenges Nigroids ?!

2010 Update: They now appear to be called Vigroids. Which is nice.

You know you're getting old when…

You know you're getting old when…

Courtesy of kottke.org, the following facts:

Listening to 1982’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller in 2008 is equivalent to listening to Elvis Presley’s Blue Suede Shoes, Hound Dog, and Love Me Tender – all released in 1956.

Listening to Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit today is equivalent to playing Terry Jack’s Seasons In The Sun (1974) in 1991.

Watching Star Wars today is like watching It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) in 1977.

Watching The Godfather today is like watching Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times (1936) in 1972. Modern Times was a silent film (Chaplin’s last).

Back to the Future (1985) –> To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

Die Hard (1988) –> Bullitt (1968)

Radiohead, OK Computer (1997) –> Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (1986)

Today's toilet news

Today's toilet news

Sky News: Superg-Looed: Man Stuck To Toilet

and as usual, Americans find a twist:

Sky News: Woman Cut Free After Two Years On Loo

Can’t wait to see how the Chinese manage to top that one…

Can computers create?

Can computers create?

Not just yet, but they may be slowly getting there, if the latest spam comment is to be believed — assuming of course, that it was generated by computer, and not a frustrated lurid wannabe-writer. It reads:

“Only a cousin, but he was sobbingly dutiful as she drank his conservative white saga in obnoxious gulps, embedding the bitter, rationalized buff as she swallowed”

I’m sure there’s a short story in there somewhere. Probably set in a dark alley in Amsterdam or something, mind.

Of course, it’d probably help from a spammers point of view if the spam comment actually connected to a website, or a telephone number, or *something*. Instead of a nonsensical web address…

An average journey on the Metrolink…

An average journey on the Metrolink…

(whisper: What I am about to blog may lead me into trouble with the unsavoury criminal gangs of the underworld. Yet, I feel it is a story that simply must be told…)

On the Metrolink home, another guy comes in. He looks a little out of it, and to be honest, quite green around the gills. Although it could be the flourescent donkey jacket he’s wearing. He catches me looking at him, I smile back and get back to my magazine. He grabs one of those freebie newspapers, the ride goes on.

Two studenty students get on – long frizzled hair, black clothing, definitely the worst for wear for drink. Flourescent guy asks them if they want any drugs, and the conversation starts for the next few stops.

He’s Brian, with an Irish accent. He is also quite drunk. He gives them his phone number — loudly — three times, and phones home in order to arrange the deal for some weed and barbs at the next tram station. Even though the drunk students are lamely protesting that they’re trying to give it all up. He even gives them a potted biography of his life – he’s 27, got three kids by three different women. He works as a security guard at 10 quid per hour in order so the DSS can’t spot his drug dealing earnings.

My stop’s coming up – ironically, at the same stop where the deal is going to go down. But waiting at the door is a slightly dishevelled man, carrying a blue plastic bag. Said plastic bag seems to be full of some kind of liquid. Curious. Oh. It’s urine. and it’s starting to leak.

Thankfully the doors open and we all rush out. Brian and his new best friends are still at the tram stop, waiting for someone to pop round.

I’ve got no particular objection to people selling or buying drugs, but at least pretend it’s slightly illegal.

How to avoid requests for your photograph…

How to avoid requests for your photograph…

An unusual face
Work recently asked me to send in a photo of me for their files. Alas, I meekly did a wacky pose against a wall, when what I should have done was done a screengrab from a randomized face at monoface. Over 7000 combinations of photographs of eyes, hair, nose and mouth combined to create some strikingly ridiculous faces!

A seagull stole my lunch! (and other woes)

A seagull stole my lunch! (and other woes)

– I was walking through Llandudno town centre at lunchtime munching on a pastie, when a seagull literally lands on my shoulder, grabs my pastie from OUT OF MY HAND and flies off with it for a second before dropping it again. Man, those seagulls are the devils’ work.

– Before that, when reversing out of the car park, I thought I’d scraped a 4×4. Stopped, looked at it, got as far as writing a note then I thought to wipe off the marks, then the 4×4 looked fine so I drove off. Come back to my desk to find a company-wide email looking for the evil swine with my car numberplate. Still, at least I thought I was doing the right thing…

– I’d invited my ex-bosses and ex-workcolleagues onto a professional social networking site, mainly to see what they were up to and see whether they actually remembered me or not. One of my line managers graciously declined my invitation, but it’s amazing just how annoyed I am to be dismissed like that. Never mind the fact that said person was one of the key people to make me redundant to begin with, so I don’t know why I’d expect any different.

On the plus side, I got my surprise two-year anniversary present from Miss R last night, and suffice to say that you’d better be watching the (virtual) skies at some point this year! (And before you ask, I whisked her away to Barcelona last week as my surprise anniversary present. Must find the time to blog about that funny disaster!)

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