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Post Tagged with: tube

Mind the costume…

Mind the costume…

ActionReplay is going to a London Underground-themed fancy dress party, and was looking for suggestions for costumes based on tube stations (ruling out Victoria, Angel or Kings Cross as that’s far too obvious).

In less than 3 minutes, my brain came up with the following suggestions that I’d never enact:

Shepherds’ Bush Market – go as a shepherd, with a codpiece upon which market vegetables are stuck.

Queensway – dress up as the Queen, with a placard saying “This is my way!”

Waterloo – a portable urinal with some handy drinking water nearby?

Elephant and Castle – a hat which looks like a castle, with an elephant on it?

White City – just a white bra, and perhaps a hearing aid…

Cockfosters – erm…. well, you’ll need a can of Fosters. And possibly a male chicken.

Care to add to this fun list?

Getting Londoners groping…

Getting Londoners groping…

Never mind Get The Tube Talking, how about Touch Up The Tube?

Maybe I will get the tube in tomorrow…

Getting Londoners talking? Noooooo

Getting Londoners talking? Noooooo

While Miss S was in London, she’d often shock me speechless by telling me she’d talked to two, or four random strangers in London – AND THEY’D TALK BACK! I am of course, putting this down to her irrepressible (and believe me, I’ve tried!) optimism, bounciness and general all-American (in a positive way) manner.

Something odd must be in the London water supply, because there’s now a campaign to Get The Tube Talking on Wed 17 December. They suggest engaging fellow commuters on the tube with some small chit-chat and small talk. Except they haven’t actually suggested what lines of small talk to use – and I for one, am not that brilliant at chatting to random strangers. What can I say that isn’t too boring? Hell, I just had a meeting, and I completely forgot to shake the guy’s hand on my way out the door.

Also, these days given the sheer amount of shopping bags that bring out the inner environmentalist Marxist in me, I’d be far likely to bark out “WHY. ON. EARTH. DO. YOU. NEED. SIX SHOPPING BAGS AND TWO HANDBAGS? GET OUT OF MY WAY!”

Fortunately, I take the bus to work. Or bike.

Reasons to vote for Ken in London

Reasons to vote for Ken in London

Sure, it may be a PR stunt to show the Mayor of London using the same transport as the rest of us without any apparent bodyguards, minders, PR flunkies or anything else … but I’ve yet to see pics of Boris or Paddick or even Sian Berry of the Green Party using the Tube.

Then again, I distinctly remember reading a quote from The London Paper (24 April, page 11) where she claimed that four people taking a taxi was “as energy efficient as a two-thirds empty bus”. That may be true, but buses still have to run so surely it’s still a net carbon increase?

Oh yes, that’s not to forget the cheerleaders hovering outside the workplace the other day exhorting us to vote for K-E-N…

The last map is about to leave this station…

The last map is about to leave this station…

Imagine, for a second, that you’re lucky enough to be a Londoner, who loves the tube so much you’ve made various useful / silly maps of the Tube, hold the world record for going round the entire system in the quickest time possible, and even occasionally help to raise money for charity (not to mention traveller numbers). And they, frankly, need all the help they can get.

So how do you reward these interesting endeveaours from my mate Geoff? You threaten to take his website offline unless he removes said maps. Fortunately, because London Transport are such nice chaps (not), they’ve given him a deadline of Monday midnight (UK time).

So if you have any interest in the London Underground, and the only iconic urban transportaton map in the world (well, can you draw the New York metro map from memory?), then run and download these versions quickly, before the lawyers get to you too. and if you happen to have non-UK webspace, you might want to offer to mirror them.

As Amateur Transplants once sung in their hilarious song:

London Underground. They’re all lazy f**king useless c**ts.

I’d download that song (and make a suitable donation to charity) before the chuffin’ lawyers get their hands on that gem too. Even though half my mates at London Underground listen to the song on a regular basis.

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