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The King’s Speech? Really?

The King’s Speech? Really?

A generically dull, predictable, historically inaccurate but worthy English heritage film about a noble man who overcomes troubles to defeat his enemy wins the Oscar for Best Film? Best Director? Really? THIS is what the Oscar voters deem to be the best film made and shown in America in the last year?

You know what this means?

Every darned British film producer is going to spend the next five to ten years trying to make me-too films about fellow noble Royals who, despite seeming to have everything in the world, have to overcome a secret problem to achieve their objective. After Chariots of Fires, we had to put up with endless English heritage films. After Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (the last major British film success), we had to put up with endless English gangsta films set in South London.

More dull British films that harken back to England’s glorious past, as opposed to trying to look to Britain’s present and future. A boon for heritage production designers, but bad news for anyone who wants to look forward, not backwards.

Thank Gawd the baby means I’ll probably be avoiding cinema for the next five years.

btw, I once popped into Colin Firth’s wife’s eco-friendly shop in Chiswick. The shop assistants there were unbelievably snooty.

(Ob. disclaimer: I haven’t seen this film. Or, indeed, any of the nominated films this year. I’m blaming it on the baby)

Strippers and Oscars

Strippers and Oscars

(Yes, it’s a UK blog post NOT about the damn earthquake that may or may not have happened. For the record, I noticed it but thought it was a rumbling truck along the highway)

The bookshops are groaning and heaving under the combined weight of memoirs from strippers, high-class escorts, prostitutes, vigorously sexually active women. There’s so many of the darn things it’s hard to figure out a good one to read.

Fortunately, Oscar has come to the rescue. It turns out that the Oscar-winning screenwriter of Juno‘s first book was a stripping memoir.

She blogs. Amusingly, partly about her outrage to find people were selling their shoes based on the fact she wore them to the Oscars. Or something.

So Skarlett isn’t the only clever witty funny – and gainfully employed – person in Los Angeles…

How to ruin a Oscars programme

How to ruin a Oscars programme

Just get Sky to outbid the BBC for the rights to the Oscars, and then pretty much ignore the entire awards ceremony, in favour of:

– constant plugs for the Scissor Sisters and Elton John
– not coincidentally, Sky’s pathetic presentation of the Oscars is brought to you from Elton John’s party
– The most exciting thing about the Oscars this year was that Chris Rock was presenting it. So what do Sky do? Cut down his witty bits to a three-minute opening prologue, and leave him out of the rest of the show.
– have presenters who are far more obsessed by the parties and the costumes than the films and the awards
– put Amanda Byron on the pink carpet for the party, and have her ask all the actors and actresses what they’re wearing. Which is obviously far more important than the meagre fact of who won what. Gillian Anderson in particular gave Ms. Byron a very withering look.
– Sharon Osbourne seems to know nothing about films, and far more about showbiz.
– Jamie Theakston couldn’t control a box with two buttons, let alone present a highlights show.
– Make sure all your celebrity guests are drunk from Elton’s party, and that they have absolutely nothing of any interest to say.
– Don’t bother talking to any of the nominees or winners.
– Spend five minutes discussing what the guests are eating at the party.
– Outside the top five categories and anything involved a Brit, quickly skip through all the other interesting categories in a montage-esque sequence.
– It was so bad, I had to look at the website to find out who won Best Screenplay. Man, I hope the original programme is on a P2P site somewhere.

Apparently, Sky are proud to cover the Oscars “in a way no other broadcaster could”. That’s because most other broadcasters would have the sense to remember that the Oscars are an event about film, not what people are wearing and drinking.

Damnit, now I’ve read the Oscars highlights, I really need to find a video download of the Oscars ceremony. Just to see the look on comedy superstar Jeremy Irons’ face.

But I don’t get this joke: “I love the Incredibles – next year, they’re coming out with a black version coming out, called The Aiiits.” – care to enligten me?

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