almost witty

Today was the start of my new job. So befitting a new job in Manchester, work sent me to a corporate meeting in … Gateshead. Except the rail ticket said Newcastle. Which was a bit confusing.

Either way, it’s certainly a very dramatic city. In my short but very confusing taxi journey (complete with Indian taxi driver with a very sing-song accent), I was surrounded by huge towers holding up huge bridges alongside a wide gushing river. If it wasn’t for the grey skies and near-permanent drizzle, it would have been a fabulous sight.

What wasn’t so fabulous was witnessing a road-rage incident between two very angry drivers from the North East. Shouting various sweary insults in front of a tiny girl who was just watching them in sheer amazement.

So endeth my first day at my new job.

Tags: Me me me me me

Moving back to a coastal town has seen the re-appearance of seagulls in my life, and their characteristic squawking. Normally the presence of more feathered creatures wouldn’t bother me one bit, except for the fact that these seagulls have no fear. And will not stop in their quest.

Twice now, they’ve divebombed me while I’m walking down the high street with a baguette in my hand, with the express intent of stealing my food. And always from behind so I have no idea what’s happening until it’s too late and I find myself with half a sandwich and passers-by looking at me as if to say “Are you mad for walking and eating down the high street?”. Not for nothing do I realise anyone who’s eating in the street is under cover of some kind.

And now a small flock of seagulls has taken nest next to the chimney in our house. On one hand, the hatching of three little seagulls is slightly cute. As are the stares of passers-by who walk past our window and look up on the roof, unaware that we can see them staring at the roof.

But the head of the seagull family seems to be of the opinion that he/she controls all the space around the chimney. Including the garage, and entrance to the house. So last night, when I tried entering the house, the seagull squwaked and swooped down heading for me – before pulling out about ten feet from my head. For some reason, I was feeling uncharacteristically silly, so I just stood there goading the seagull as it continually swooped, dive-bombed and then pulled out of the dive.

With next door’s cats using the front garden as a toilet and the seagulls using a chimney as a nursery, we may be in danger of being labelled the crazy cat/bird household soon. And none of them are even ours!

Tags: Me me me me me

In a meagre attempt to get fit, I have signed up to play football in a work-based five-a-side team.

Thus every Tuesday, you’ll be seeing me attempting to play football in a local park that faces the sea. This mostly involves:

- running around after the ball for the first five minutes, attempting to tackle players
- running out of breath after the first five minutes, and starting to wheeze
- mostly spending the next eighty minutes in a muted attempt to run after the ball and tackle players.

Still, I’m getting better. When I first started four weeks ago, I was wheezing after the first minute of play – and I have improved my stamina ever since. Although I usually do come home with my legs and thighs whining – and this has gotten worse today after yesterday’s five-a-side which was played in the pouring rain. The rain came down so hard I gave up trying to wipe my specs – especially since an ill-advised tackle meant the ball crashed into my face and knocked them off anyhow.

Ball contact is fortunately kept to a minimum, as the last time one of my team-mates passed me the ball, I managed to trip over it and fall helplessly to the ground. And you can forget about trying to score goals.

It is – oddly for me – an enjoyable experience “playing” football. I’m usually tired and weary going into the pitch, and tired and energetic heading out of the pitch. At least until I can slump on the sofa where I’ll try not to move for the next three hours waiting for my legs to slowly start wailing.

The other night though, I started daydreaming about playing Sim City 4 – complete with jazz music soundtrack – while in goal.

I don’t think it’s actually done my body any good playing football in terms of hard numbers – but I’m starting to see a little improvement in the waistline. Now if only it could aid my memory and attention-keeping skills!

Tags: Me me me me me