almost witty

Random anecdotes and a little thought

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Don’t go on an apocalyptic binge

Jun 15

Posted in Books, Films, Me me me me me, Media Musings, Oy vey!

Thanks to a random link I stumbled across, I’ve just spent the last fifteen minutes giving into my inner fascination with apocalyptic fiction and browsing through Wikipedia’s rather substantial list of post-apocalyptic fiction, reminding me of the UK’s relatively substantial contribution to the genre – The War Game, Threads, Day of the Triffids, 28 Days Later and culminating in World War Z, a gripping account of the Zombie World War.

Right now, I feel rather ill, nauseous and sick right now (bit like radiation poisoning, I’d imagine). Which is amazing given that with the notable exception of 28 Days Later and Day of the Triffids, I’ve never actually had the courage to sit through the rest of the above. But I will have to resolve to buy World War Z, not least because the British government apparently starts its fight back against the zombies from Conwy, less than a mile away. So at least I have somewhere to run to when the zombie hordes invade.

Any suggestions on how I can wash my brains out? Because I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of the day!

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Is there anyone who doesn’t know who Luke’s father is?

May 25

Posted in Films, Pop Culture

You would have thought that after 30 years, finding people who had never seen Star Wars would be nigh on impossible. Especially people who ostensibly worked in the media.

But no, it’s not impossible. The BBC’s entertainment reporter Kevin Young claims to have never seen Star Wars – or any science-fiction save The X-Files, for that matter. This I find a tad impossible!

Surely if you have even an inkling of an interest in entertainment or pop culture, then you must at least have an inkling of science-fiction and what it is. And surely in thirty years Star Wars cannot have completely passed you by. That would be impossible. I submit, sirrah, that the BBC has lied to us!

But more importantly, the BBC sits him down to watch Star Wars for the very first time (awooo… awooo….). And some of the quotes he comes out with while watching Star Wars must mean that he’s completely being ironic and taking the piss. Such as:

“Luke seems quite taken by this holographic vision in blue and wants to know more about her. I have a sneaking suspicion that they might end up as this film’s golden couple, but there’s still an hour and 38 minutes to go yet.”

“It’s a light-saber. It looks cool. I wonder how it works, though – does its laser burn enemy combatants or does it shoot some kind of fatal beam?”

“Important plot twist here, I predict – Darth killed Luke’s dad.”

There is just no way one can be an entertainment reporter and not have picked up on what a light sabre does, and who Luke’s father is. It’s just impossible, surely?

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Avoiding spiders and zombies

May 10

Posted in Films

As you may know, I’m a bit of a film fan. I also have a slightly obsessive interest in apocalyptic fiction and Hollywood blockbusters. So why on earth am I most likely to avoid 28 Weeks Later and Spiderman 3?

Simply put, they both scare me in totally different ways.

Spiderman 1 was a great film, fantastic on pretty much every level. Almost too fantastic. I was a bit of an emotional wreck at the last scene – how could Peter Parker do that to his gorgeous simpering Mary Jane? How could any red-costumed or red-blooded heterosexual walk away from that? Because of that, I’ve somehow managed to avoid Spiderman 2 – despite having it on DVD – and will most likely manage to “never get round to seeing” Spiderman 3.

As for 28 Weeks Later, it’s because of my fear for zombies. I’m not sure what it is about them, but I do get terrified at the prospect of seeing zombies on the screen. When Shaun of the Dead slithered into cinemas, I really wanted to see it – hey, it’s Spaced + apocalyptic fiction + London, what’s there not to like? – and so resolved to get over my fear of zombies. After all, they’re just a movie construct and fantasy, right?

Almost. My zombie-fear-aversion routine was to watch as many zombie films as I could, in growing order of horror-ness until I thought I was desensitized to zombies, and then perhaps I could manage Shaun of the Dead. So the first film I tried was Resident Evil: Apocalypse. It’s a 15-rated film, starring Milla Jovovich and it seems like a B-movie. What could be that scary about it?

Who knows? Because when it came to the scene with the shuffling zombies chasing one poor civillian up a metal staircase, I had to switch off the DVD. I just couldn’t handle it.

I did somehow manage to see 28 Days Later – there aren’t that many zombie scenes in it, after all. But I did walk out of the cinema absolutely shaken, in need of a stiff drink and some human conversation. So I knocked on my then room-mate’s door – but he told me to go away and I felt even more depressed and dejected that night. It later turned out, of course, that he’d brought a girl back to his room and was steadily making more intimate human conversation with her.

So I might just have to avoid the cinema for the next couple of days!

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Airplane! vs Withnail and I

Apr 27

Posted in Comedy, Films

At last month’s Rialto Film Club meeting, we all met to decide which films to show for the next six months. Most nominations within a category went by with the usual nodding heads, stroked chins and debate over whether to show films for their popularity, their rarity or just for us.

Then came the Comedy category. The choices quickly narrowed down to Airplane! vs Withnail and I. No contest I thought – Airplane! is simply one of the funniest movies of all time, full of witty and silly puns, visual and blue gags galore. In short, a guaranteed laugh-fest for anyone with a sense of humour.

Surprisingly, half the committee immediately chose Withnail and I. I’ve seen it once (admittedly on video on a dull Saturday afternoon) and I didn’t find anything particularly funny about it. I don’t think I laughed once at it. But pretty soon, both sides were arguing passionately for Airplane! or for Withnail and I. The deluded fools.

We couldn’t come to a decision, so it’s been deferred to the next meet. Which is next week.

So which film would you prefer? And why?

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When marketing and the net collide…

Apr 19

Posted in Films, Oy vey!




Viral Marketing

Originally uploaded by Mark McLaughlin.

Picture the scene. You’re part of a guerilla marketing team dedicated to finding out new ways to promote a killer-virus movie. Thus, someone has the bright shiny idea of spraying biohazard signs all over London. Great idea, full marks.

But how do you tie in the biohazard sign with the movie? Ahaaa, you say, you’ll stick a web address at the bottom of the biohazard sign. This will signify to one and all that it’s not a *real* biohazard – because heavens to Betsy, sticking a real biohazard sign in London would just cause panic amongst the populace.

Two ever-so-tiny flaws with this plan:

1. Spraying isn’t exactly pollution or health-risk free, y’know. Plus, who’s going to clean it up?

2. Someone on the marketing team forgot to knock heads with someone on the web team, and erm… actually buy the web domain in question. So take a look at what www.ragevirus.com actually does…

Why can’t I get a job on a web marketing team? Please? I know web and I know marketing!

PS: Really looking forward to seeing this film! Although did it need a sequel?

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Product placement for the blind

Mar 26

Posted in Films

I’ve blogged before about the ridiculous amount of product placement in Casino Royale, but the DVD edition takes the whole packet of biscuits!

Some DVDs come with a little presentation booklet about the film you’re about to watch. Some DVDs come with one little flyer detailing the chapters in the DVD.

The Casino Royale DVD eschews both these approaches for a little flyer advertising a sunshine resort in the Bahamas, and another advert for lastminute.com.

But that’s not enough, oh no. Not only do they literally have the characters marvelling at each other’s choice of watches – but in the scene where Bond checks on the location of his enemy in a lift using a mobile phone, the audio description service (describing what happens during a given scene for the visually impaired) narration says “Bond checks on the location of le Chiffre using his Sony Ericsson”. It namechecks the brand over the actual gadget in question!

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How I’m like Daniel Craig David as 007…

Nov 23

Posted in Films

- I am writing this on a Sony Vaio laptop.
- The phone I’m carrying is a Sony Ericsson phone. Although I can’t even archive a text or press up or left on my phone, never mind use GPS tracking systems to trace my prey.
- In an ideal world, my next digicam will be a Sony camera.
- I, like Daniel Craig, look really uncomfortable in a suit. Although my reasons are not because I have too many pecs.

Seriously, the amount of product placement in Casino Royale was ridiculous. It’s always been a problem in Bond films – but at least it was relatively subdued. This time, the characters actually praise each other on the choice of their watches – and the Omega brand gets a huge thumbs-up. It’s still not going to make me wear one though.

But otherwise, it was a great Bond film. I was quite happy with most of the re-booting, but the emotional violence on screen was very discomforting. And maybe it’s a sign of my decreasing brain power, but I was almost thankful that M cleared up what happened at the end – although it still makes no sense as to why Vespar did what she did. Anyone care to explain?

Read the rest of this entry »

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Me and Tom Cruise…

May 10

Posted in Films, Me me me me me, Media Musings, Pop Culture

Sorry if you’ve been slaverishly logging on every day begging for the latest details on me and Tom Cruise. Your prayers have now been answered, and I shall tell the oh-so-glam story.

Strolling past Leicester Square, I noticed all the tell-tale paraphenalia that a London movie premiere in progress. And given all the satellite trucks, crowds and lights, I presumed it was a big one. Then I saw the billboard for Mission: Impossible 3 and snorted at all the attention being given in the hope that Tom Cruise might turn up – when, as far as I knew, he was (or should have been) back at home looking after little Katie/Kate and Suri.

But as I got closer, I got an inkling that all was not normal for a movie premiere. One side of the Odeon cinema was completely blocked off with a temporary wall – in front of which was a huge monitor relaying footage from a camera on a boom – a lot of effort for a premiere where the stars weren’t going to turn up. The other side of the cinema was blocked off by various gawkers, photographers, stern policemen and security cameras.

Then just when I was getting bored at looking at people looking at TV screens waiting for something to happen, there was a huge uproar from the crowd. Tom Cruise had emerged from the cinema to do his walkabout thang.

Seeing as I know Leicester Square remarkably well, I managed to go through some back alleys, evade the police and security guards and ended up just behind the press cordon, and face to face with ol’ Tommo himself. Unfortunately, he was looking at a bunch of interviewers and patiently asking questions.

Whatever else you say about his insane antics, you have to respect the ability of a short man to concentrate on what’s in front of him when everyone is shouting and throwing things at him in a desperate attempt to grab his attention. Not to mention all the flashbulbs going off left, right and centre.

He looked suspiciously hyper and awake for someone who’s a new dad though…

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Why do I like Romantic Comedies and Richard Curtis?

Aug 27

Posted in Films

Just caught the trailer for Love Actually – the new romantic multi-story comedy from Richard Curtis, the genius behind Blackadder (with Ben Elton), Four Weddings And A Funeral and Notting Hill. Even has a cool storyline with Hugh Grant the Prime Minister falling in love with the tea lady…

Lord knows that I should stay away from romantic comedies like the proverbial plague … it’ll only get my hopes up that my love life will be like the movies with soaring camerawork and orchestral music, when it’s far more likely to be like the famed Andy Warhol 8-hour film of a man sleeping. Alone…

Anyway, watching the trailer – which is OK, but has *no* anthemic shots of London, which is terrible – it reminded me of my movie going experience of seeing Notting Hill with my friend Lisa. I’d had one pint, no food and went in. And apparently I kept spotting parts of London I knew, garbling on about that, and then there were two fantastic camera shots and visual sequences which I thought were the height of British commercial cinema, and couldn’t help raving about it when I came out.

Really ought to go to the cinema more often. Although no doubt I should actually be barred from the cinema, if I’m rating Notting Hill…

Maybe I should leave my obsession with Richard Curtis’s work and his wife Emma Freud for another time…

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