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Everybody loves a lesbian…

Everybody loves a lesbian…

At least according to BBC Three’s new comedy puppet show

Then again, this shouldn’t come as a complete surprise to me. When I was living in Cardiff and hanging out with Miss H (naturally, a lesbian), I’d end up chatting to an intelligent, attractive, funny and uninhibited woman, only to find out from Miss H that she was, indeed, a lesbian. Hell, one night I was chatting up a lady who seemed inordinately keen and interested in me – and somehow, Miss H managed to pull her instead.

Also, when I look back at some of the celebrity ladies I fancied – as much for their wit or personality as their curly hair – they turned out to be lesbians. Cynthia Nixon, Sue Perkins, Donan McPhail to name but three.

To this day, five years on, my Cardiff friends will often remind me of the fact that I used to share a house with a lesbian couple, and give saucy nudgy winks about what must have gone on in the house. Indeed, one of my Cardiff colleagues once gasped with amazement at the stuff said lesbians left behind when they moved out – ignoring the fact that being a lesbian doesn’t mean automatic entry into the cool and fantastic division of people. Nor does being anything else for that matter.

What is the fascination with girls kissing girls anyway?

BBC Three – it's gone retro!

BBC Three – it's gone retro!

Last night, I settled down to watch the new re-launched BBC Three, complete with new logo, new idents and no blobs. And lest we forget, Lily Allen going chat.

The in-vision continuity announcers certainly made an impact, making you realise you weren’t watching any of the other channels. It certainly sparked feelings of retro nostalgia – but then I’m at the tail-end of BBC Three’s target demographic. Viewers under twenty will probably have no memories of the decades where you saw the person introducing the next programme.

Unfortunately, it soon became very apparent why they were phased out in the first place. Someone you’ve never seen delivering a piece-to-camera about the programme you’re about to watch tends to be very boring visually. Plus I was never sure whether I was seeing genuine viewers talking about the programmes, or paid actors.

But never mind the junctions, what about the programmes?

Tuesday night’s BBC Three started with a whole hour of The Real Hustle in Las Vegas. Which played a lot like The Real Hustle, but with American bystanders instead of British ones. This was followed by Find Me A Face, where two model scouts stalked pretty people in Southern England in the hope of finding a woman with a C-cup bra to front a lingerie advert. So far, so standard Southern England BBC.

Then came Phoo Action, a one-off drama you certainly wouldn’t expect to see on any other BBC channel. A comic strip from the creator of Tank Girl brought to live-action, it had tons of primary colours, caricatures from across the globe and a green man with a basketball for a head trying to become King of England. It’d certainly be interesting to see what happens next to these characters if it goes to series.

Following the compulsory 10pm repeat of EastEnders came the much-hyped Lily Allen And Friends. The only social-networking angle that hadn’t been seen since Graham Norton’s Channel 4 chatshow was to invite the actual stars of the Internet onto the show itself. Unfortunately, the two chosen were Chris Crocker – the man chiefly remembered for sobbing to the camera ‘LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!’ – and talented singer Tay Zonday, who was depressingly professional in person.

But then, I’m just on the cusp of falling out of BBC Three’s demographic. What did you think of it?

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