almost witty

And I’m not even involved in it - I just know all the parties involved. Grrrr.

What amazes me about those involved in love triangles is that they’re just so bitterly intertwined in their own love triangle saga that they don’t even realise that other people have other woes in their life, and just immediately shoot down any topic of conversation that doesn’t involve love triangles, intensity of feelings (as if none of us have EVER been in unrequited love before) or relationship woe issues.

Only in the world of lesbiana would they try to solve a stalker problem by inviting everyone together to meet their new gf
Let me explain. Last weekend, H wanted to support a fellow lesbian friend at a judo tournament. So she invited me to come along, and her new girlfriend Bonnie Tyler. And two of her ex-gfs/”stalkers” who she’d had trouble shaking off. She wanted to introduce them to each other in the hopes that they’d cancel each other out.

So I get there, and eventually find the two ex’s - including the one who I’d mistakenly thought liked me. Ah well. THen H walks in, and suddenly everyone’s attention is focussed on her - ignoring the four teams of judo teams battling in front of us. We all talk for a while.

Then H’s gf walks in. H ambles up to her, and makes googly eyes at her. I look at the two ex-gf’s - they’re making googly eyes at H. Then one of them turns to the other, and with a huge sigh, they’re resting on each others’ shoulders.

Well, it struck me as amusing/an interesting look at the time.

There are days when I wonder just why I have (online) Republican buddies. Schwarzenegger’s victory to become leader of the world’s 5th largest economy has shown up some rather (IMHO) racist or otherwise inconsistent/questionable attitudes amongst my online buddies. And made me realise I care more about politics - or at least attitudes - than I think.

The worst comments come from Silverfishy, who told me over chat that:

a) I had no right to comment on the election, since I wasn’t an American.

In which case, what gives Americans the right to comment on other global events? Indeed, she still maintains that I shouldn’t discuss American events. Which is strange because we discuss American films and other pop culture stuff. And mostly her dating life.

And of course, if we all followed her example and only became interested in topics in our own countries, we’d have even more of a fractured “global community” than we do already. Aren’t we all supposed to be one human race?

b) She questioned just how Schwarzy, a foreigner, could become Governor of an American state? erm… perhaps because he’s lived there for a very very long time, has paid his taxes and is entitled to take part in political discussions and debates as much as anyone else?

The ironic thing (amongst many) is that Silverfishy claims to love travelling and meeting new people. Patently as long as they’re all-American and all-white.

To be fair, I’m struggling for a reason why I still keep Silverfishy as a chat buddy. She says I shouldn’t date outside my race, which is another terrible thing to say. Anyway, I’ve done something I should have done a long time ago, and cut Silverfishy off. There’s only so much of that entrenched racist anti-foreign isolationist ill-informed attitude I can take.

Arizona Cutie claims that the recent allegations about Schwarzy’s groping of women is nothing more than a liberal media conspiracy and cunningly timed for the elections. Well, of course it is, it’s the media. But it’s not as if these allegations weren’t raised before - I’m fairly sure I’ve got an old Premiere magazine saying the same thing.

Anyway, the “interesting” thing that Arizona Cutie said was something along the lines of at least Schwarzy is no Clinton. Because obviously Clinton having consensual sex with a woman is a far worse crime than 8 women being groped or sexually harassed by a major film star.

And I’d obviously take argue with the American liberal media thing. Granted, the journos tend to be liberal. But their bosses tend to be hard-nosed right-wing businessmen. Which mostly balances it out. Then again, apparently it seems that half the American public agree with Arizona Cutie.

Just how did that Democrat/Republican couple marry each other ?!

Ah well, at least we won’t get Terminator 4… or True Lies 2 or Eraser 2.

vodkabird.org has accused me of finding my speed-dating experience a piece of cake. Well, for me, it certainly beats trying to make yourself heard to a total stranger in a loud bar - at least in a speed-dating bar, you know that the woman you’re talking to will at least be vaguely interested in dating. And of course, the three-minute time limit means there’s no real awkward way of trying to end it if the woman doesn’t like you or vice-versa.

Ironically, the masses also mean that it’s less likely you’ll get turned down flat, since everyone is in the same boat. Although if twenty women turn you down flat, you’ve got some serious rejection issues to contend with. On the other hand, I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was the best experience of my life either.

The brutal reality is that of the 20-odd women there, I got 10 of them saying they’d want to be “friends” with me, and one “hit” - ie she’d like to date me - while my flatmate got 3 friends and one hit. Alas, both our hits were from the same Caerphilly woman - and while I did quite fancy her on an utterly superficial level, she hasn’t replied back to the email. Nor have 8 others.

Of the ones who have replied, there was the Minnie-Driver/films lookalike, who suggested that when she got back from her hols, we could go see a film. Which sounds good. as long as it’s not Cabin Fever - even if director Elin Roth mischeivously said something along the lines of “anyone who sees Cabin Fever is guaranteed to get laid”…

The other one who replied back was one of the French ladies - and talking on IM, it turns out that one of the other women who ticked me as a “Friend” has since been going out with one of the speed-dating guys. Unfortunately (for me) - and being very judgemental - it was a bald guy with huge ears, and someone I thought wouldn’t stand a chance in an environment like that. But there he is, dating …

Still, I might just meet one or two of them soon. And new friends are usually handy. Unless you really fancy them.

Last night, I ended up going speed-dating in Cardiff for the first time. Interesting experience.

At work, I was checking my list email, and suddenly see that there’s a speed-date session in Cardiff tonight - and they’re so desperate for 4 men that they’re offering free tickets. Quickly procure one for me and my flatmate, and within 30 minutes (after a frantic bike ride home, go in the shower and quicky pick out some clothes) we’re at a speed-dating session.

At first we’re all just hovering at the bar - men and women kinda seperate, apart from the ones who’d had the foresight to bring a female friend or whatever. Then the gong starts, and we’re off.

Ever tried talking to someone, smiling, making them laugh and making a connection inside of three minutes? It’s nigh on impossible - plus with my regular need/want to fill the silence/perform, I unfortunately probably don’t let my “date” get much in before the gong goes. or I start stuttering. Or saying something stupid. Or all three.

Plus all the cliches - they all ask what I do for a living. As if that’s the important thing. So I go into my reason as to why I don’t explain what I do - and then it occurs to me that it sounds as if I’m a plumber or Chinese takeout person or something. Grrr. Is the job really that important? Guess it is.

One of the ladies there turned out, eventually, to be Zoe from Red Dragon FM’s breakfast show. So I was a tad flabbergasted to find her there - Gawd knows why, even radio DJs need to find love. Still, when she said “You’re doing well”, I knew I was totally blown out of the water. Really got to stop being a nice guy. On the radio this morning, she said it was a nice time, but she wanted “more professional guys”. I’m tempted to say how shallow is that, but that’s South Wales for you I guess.

Other ladies who were there included:

• One outrageous flirt, extremely skinny. She was the only one who physically touched dates beyond shaking hands - she kept touching everyone’s knees. Very seductive, but also way way too skinny. And she patently loved the attention.

• There was a gaggle of three French ladies - and the bar was loud enough as it was without straining to hear them. Still, they seemed nice.

• Three Norwegian ladies - one of them didn’t understand much English, so my opening line of “Hi, have you ever been to a Harvester before?” didn’t go down too well. Still, did tell another one of them (reddish hair, naturally) that I’d been looking at her all evening. Not too sensible.

• One very very drunk woman from Caerphilly

• A gaggle of professional TV/PR women - what on earth were they doing there ?!

• One woman who was unfortunately short, blonde and generally definitely not my type

• One Minnie Driver lookalike with lovely curly hair and enhanced cleavage. I think she caught me looking, but when she told me about the three Albanian men before me who’d done nothing but stare, I looked up quickly. And she turned out to be my ideal woman - loved cinema and science. Alas, she loves horror films and before I knew it, I’d suggested we go see Cabin Fever together. A film I do not want to see because I know I’d scream like a girl.
  

Talking to her at the bar later, she said that she’d not given any of the men a “hit” - but most of them as “Friends”. So hope springs eternal. Plus her mate looked like Holly from Red Dwarf, but sounded just like Gordon Burns from the Krypton Factor. So we riffed on that for ages.

So afterwards, instead of drowning my sorrows, I talked to the ladies who’d come along with male buddies. And actually got to know them as people as opposed to date objects.

The results don’t come back tomorrow but I think I’ll be lumped into the Friends category. Again. My flatmate thinks differently, but I’m far more cynical about it I guess.

Would I do it again? Rather enjoyable once the alcohol kicked in and you got into the “swing” of it. But certainly it seems very unlikely that a woman there is going to find the man of her dreams. And most of them were there to find the “ideal” man, as opposed to just simply one they liked and got on with. Which is a shame.