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Why bother with CGI breasts?

Why bother with CGI breasts?

Apparently, Playboy will feature video game character pin-ups in the next issue. Why ?!

Say what you will about the pneumatically-enhanced blondes/brunettes of this world like Jordan, Pamela Anderson and the truly grotesque Lolo Ferrari, but at least they were real human beings. You could follow their exploits in the press, “dream” of meeting them, or perhaps one day meet a woman who looked like them. Probably in a brothel but that’s another story.

So why on earth would teen boys eschew the Jordans and Jolies of the world, in favour of utterly artificial one-dimensional female characters who don’t live beyond the computer screen? You can’t touch them, and you can’t find out what they do in nightclubs. All you can literally do is fantasize.

Even then there’s something definitively sexless about the CGI characters on offer. If I told you there was a leather-clad buxom half-vampiress babe on offer, you might go “ooooh”. Mickey Glitter would. But the actual image of Bloodrayne is unlikely to get anyone’s heart (or other organ) pumping.

Having said all that, the likes of Kirsten Dunst (from Spiderman 1), Angelina Jolie and Julianne Moore are equally unattainable. Although at least they’re real and Ms. Moore is posing nude for W magazine, presumably without too much Photoshopping. Where do I get a copy?

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