As anyone who knows me vaguely knows, I keep complaining about my world of work. Although quite a few of my friends tell me to stop complaining – after all, I have a relatively steady job (till December), I’m in the industry that I want to be in with the company I want to be with (mostly).
But I can’t quite help having a mild obsession with the fact that I’m not going to conquer the world, be invited to give mainline panel talks at new/old media conferences and generally be someone admired and respected in the world of work. Instead, I’m just a cog in the machine.
Which wouldn’t be so bad if I had other things to occupy my mind – most of my friends don’t seem to be as worried about conquering the world, but then they have relationships and families to be worried about instead. The bizarre and horrifying thought is that if my current life keeps doodling along as normal, it’s going to look as if I sacrificed my love/social life for … being a medium cog in a chuffingly huge machine. Which isn’t very clever.
But of course I need to get my mojo back first. The big employer recently announced a huge new initative to get everyone working together – and instead of embracing the initative and thinking What A Good Idea, I just immediately thought it wouldn’t work – thereby fulfilling the ideas and stereotype that even my head boss has about me. He asked me in the “meeting”, in front of anyone, what I thought of it since I usually have *something* to say about anything. I tried resisting, and giving non-commital grunts, but of course the need to head into that limelight came bursting out and I had to comment later. Which again, isn’t very clever.
And to think I’ve only been back at work for two weeks.
But hey, at least I have a job … (continue argument for hours on end)