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The hell of Swansea townie nightclubs

The hell of Swansea townie nightclubs

This weekend was spent on the almost-annual visit to Swansea with some old pally schoolmates to eat, get drunk and in theory have a good time.

Admittedly, the following is tainted by my feeling a bit tired but Time/Envy nightclub in Swansea has to count as one of the worst places in Swansea, let alone the planet. My fourth level of hell for the following reasons:

  • The dancefloor for the commerical section – the first bit we saw – is just a glorified bit of concrete inbetween two bars
  • The music played rapidly turned into R&B crapola
  • It cost £8 to get in! £8!!!
  • £4 for a beer!!!!

The inane (male) townies who infested the club in their check shirts defied belief. One particular sample kept drunkenly trying to paw my friend’s gf – even though she kept putting his hand away. And then he drunkenly tried to engage me in conversation about how wonderful the Japanese rugby team were. Great, thanks mate. Just prove to me I don’t fit in remotely. Normally, I’d grin inanely and take it in the spirit intended but I’d had enough and let out in a giant roar “I AM NOT FROM FUCKING JAPAN”. But that still didn’t get rid of him.

To top off the night of hell, they announced halfway thru that since the clocks were going back, we were going to have an extra hour of this hell.

To be fair, there were one or two positive aspects of the place. The eye candy was mostly acceptable. The commerical dancefloor part of the place looked a bit more like it, and had better music. Although the flourescent dancers were a bit much. And spending the weekend with my schoolmates and their respective gfs is always fun.

But what is the point of nightclubs? Can someone please tell me how to enjoy them? Or is it a case of getting as drunk as you can as quickly as you can, and then getting all sweaty?


  • Sarah

    How sad r u lik goin on bout how u dunt lik Time n Envy! aint u got ne fin betta to slag off get a life ! but it has to b sed Time n Envy is fukin Bangin 😀 Best place to go afta Wind Street! Tops a great nite off !!

  • Gianni the osprey

    Is there no field of public life in which you don't have some kind of dysfunction? Enjoying nightclubs is easy. Firstly, pick one you think you might like. If it looks like you won't enjoy it, or if the people all look like twats, don't go in. Secondly, go with some good friends. Thirdly, have some drinks and talk to the people you're with. Fourthly, if you like the music – or even if you don't – have a dance. It's good fun. Then repeat steps three and four. If you can't have a good time, then you don't deserve to be taken to places by your friends. If your friends are annoying you, talk to some different people.

    £8 isn't so much for a weekend activity. You should try clubbing in London.

  • alienbob

    Sorry, I'm gonna be a pedantic prick here but its orrible outside and nightclubs are something of a minefield.

    >Firstly, pick one you think you might like. If it looks like you won't enjoy it, or if the people all look like twats, don't go in.

    Lol, this is Swansea, sorry dude but I have been out there and it is FULL of twats (including myself who after 6 hours of drinking as much as possible, as its the only thing to do in the club, has regressed to full on testosterone lout and my mating call is to make myself as big as possible and piss off as many people as I can 'cos "I dorn't gi a faark")

    >Thirdly, have some drinks and talk to the people you're with

    How teh feck are u meant to talk to anybody when the shite from the dancefloor is spilling into the bar at 290dB? Personally I hate people dribbling into my lug 'ole.

    >Fourthly, if you like the music – or even if you don't – have a dance

    Right and be sweated upon by 100 drunk welshmen/women who are determined to spill thier beer/your beer all over you who are gyrating to some shite they call R 'n' B???

    8 quid is not all that much for a club night tho, London clubbing is expensive but 4 squids for a beer is a serious liberty.

    Oh, and I bet you stuck to the floor the moment you stepped over the lintel of the club, eh?

  • ashley pickin

    omg i feel sorry for you… pity.

  • Summer Jones

    All I can say is lived in Swansea all my life in uni at London now but still think Swansea has the best Saturday night atmosphere for clubbing. Start at Vodka Revolution-Bank statement-The Square-Ice Bar-walkabout-Yates then finish at Time and Envy.
    Everyones up for a laugh and yeah townies are funny and entertaining, and the girls are v.v.v.pretty, better than London where mostly everyone is hard faced. People go out, drink and make a tit of themselves thats how it goes. If you really want to moan about something go to Mumbles now that really is a shit night out.

  • Solaris

    Well Badly Dubbed Boy couldn't be a more appropriate name for you dude.

    1. Glorified bit of Concrete? What on earth would you expect it to be different?

    2. £8 to get in? Clever people will know to find the discounts avaiable to people walking on the street. Missed that one eh? You'll learn;)

    3. Fluorescent dancers. Welcome to a nightclub!

    Seems to me that judging on your post, you are very new to this lifestyle and shouldn't really be in a position to review a venue the way you have. You need to get up off your backside, put your Horlicks down and get out there and see what kind of clubs actually exist. TIME Swansea is THE most profitable nightclub in Lumiar Leisure's collection of over 600 in the UK because they endeavour to please as many customers as they can. Some cannot be pleased;) and quite frankly, why bother to keep a "1 night out a year" boy scout happy when they have over 10,000 visitors to the 2 clubs in 1 week! Your one night out a year certainly justifies the logic about looking at your post and knowing full well my grandmother would have a better idea how to give an accurate review!

  • No No No, it's a nightclub, it's really not that important. This is a blog, Badly dubbed boy's opinion on a night out. he didn't like it. That's OK, it sounds like it's not really his thing. He didn't say nobody likes it, he didn't say nobody should like it. Obviously people do like it, according to the number of visitors. (glad to see you managed to restrain yourself from quoting annual turnover figures etc. solaris)and when did he say that it was a review?
    You need to relax. it's just an opinion on a personal blog, personally it's these differences in people, their opinions, that make reading peoples blogs so interesting.

  • Solaris

    Read the 'review' again. Worst place in Swansea? Maybe "worst place 'I have' experienced".

    Someone please tell him how to enjoy nightclubs??? It's not rocket science!

  • Dai Williams

    What is this bloke on about. Time/Envy is THE best night out in Swansea. Birds gallore! Are you gay mate?

  • julie

    I work in one of Swansea's nightclubs (not Time and Envy) and i am a student here so naturally i go out on the piss a few times a week and i normally end up in Time. I think it is a great nightclub and from what i've read about u i think u need to get some new friends without girlfriends who will take u out & show u how to av a good time. i mean how don't u c the point in nightclubs u must b a boring old fart u need to lighten up and enjoy oh and if i was u i wouldn't visit Escape in Swansea or Evolution or liquid in Cardiff if u didn't Time.

  • nicola

    you need to rap up try it on a monday night its always a hoot i guess cos its me and my fellow students gettin plastered and havin a laugh things always seem to better through the eyes of a drunk!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Silent Running

    Might i be so bold as to suggest that you never visit Swansea again…if you have nothing positive to say, saying nothing is always best !!

    I appreciate we all have the right to freedom of speech and the intelligence to form our own opinions, but you sound as if you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to good old fashioned, no strings, pretentious free fun.

    Never mind..better luck in your next life.

  • the anti Time league

    I know this is a bit late in reply to 'badly dubbed boy' 2003. But i can see the need for you to have got this off your chest. Time is most definately one of the worst clubs in the uk. Alright so ive only been to a few but i do enjoy clubbing and find Time the most intimidating, unfriendly and so obviously commercial clubs I have ever been to.The majority of the people there dont dance they stand on the side posing and bitching about those few who are trying to have a good Time. It is the place you are least likely to get help from anyone if you find yourself in trouble which is quite likely with the type of idiots which frequent this establishment every week. Dont wear a short skirt you will get it picked up dont wear a low cut top you will be groped. I understand that people do want to go on the pull but do you really think, that intimidating people and making them feel uncomfortable is really the way to go about it. Im sure that all of you girls who have gone out with your hair in a 'sexy' 80s quiff or if you guys in the checked or extra crickly shirts are reading this you enjoy Time very much. This is your club. To badly dubbed boy dont give up Swansea holds lovely people as well as rugga bugga idiots. Escape can be hit and miss, but if you go when there is an older crowd i.e. not a radio 1 d.j. and are super smiley to people you should have fun. The other bonus is you can just have fun dancing in your comfy jeans trainers and T-shirt. I dont know how time thinks that by making you wear proper shoes you keep out trouble! If you get a chance check out the Dance Acadamy in plymouth its the nicest club around it dark, dirty, friendly you can wear what you want there is v. little harrasment and you can dance like a fool no-one cares!
    Happy Clubbing

  • jonathan

    Was in Swansea for a bit of business.Went to all the places suggested by summer jones and would have to say,Absolutely!Had an absolute scream of a night.(he forgot to mention Chicago Rock with one of the worst George Michael impersonators I`ve ever seen.Hilarious!)People were brilliant,bars and pubs welcoming club (Time and Envy natch)cheesy in the extreme and that made it all the more fun.I live in Gosport near Portsmouth and the clubs and pubs here are arse.Really arse.I won`t go into reasons because you don`t want to know how miserable everything is here so to badly dubbed boy I would say if you don`t like it then don`t do it,but give yourself a chance to like it,(ps we paid £3 to get in on a thursday night.You wuz robbed.)

  • Dexter

    Can't believe what i'm reading here. Clubs are for going out and having a laugh right? Time & Envy are the best to do this in. Envy is an older crowd generally on a weekend who love the slower R&B and cheezier music. If you want it harder then go into Time. I know there are lots of kids in there but once you get over the initial reaction you'll have a great time! Go to the DJ console and ask for Scott (looks a bit like Shane Richie – only cheekier!)- he's a wicked bloke and the friendliest DJ there. Me and my friends had a bit of trouble in there but when we told him about it he came out of the console and had the party thrown out.

    You will get bad points wherever you go but you have to remember that people to get drunk and act unruly but you will get this anywhere. If this bothers you then stay home or go to a witherspoons or something which is full of oldies;)


    swanseas nightlife is awsome! it has 21 ace pubs and clubs on one street and the atmospere is great the people are cheerful and friendly and in my opinion time&envy is amazing!

  • Lauren

    Will ave 2 agree with Dexter, Time & Envy is a wikkid night out! I know the DJ 'Scott Golding' that your on about and i have to agree, he is the friendliest DJ there and just a top bloke who will help you out if you start getting hassle – though i don't reckon he looks like Shane Richie – i'll let him know about this site when i see him next!!!
    I'm not bothered about Badly Bubbed boy's write up. You either like it or you don't – me and all my friends do and have a wikkid time. The night is what you make it and if you can't make a good night of any club your in then you need to get yourself a change of social circle. My group could have a party in a broom cupboard and make a night of it! Swansea has lovely people, it's just you must have attracted the wrong attention which really doesn't say much about you;)

  • I think Time and Envy is a smashin night out butt. The problem with you people is you dont know how to let ur hair down like and enjoy urself. Me and the boys usually start our night out at Yates, and then move onto Time. Its a right laugh because walking through town drunk and smashing things up really livens the atmosphere and gives the pigs something to do see. When the boys and me get into time we just have a few bevvies and chill. I usually try it on with the girls, see if anyones up4 a shag in the carpark after like. If I havent pulled a 15yo slapper by the time its chuckout time I usually start a fight with some of the boys. fuck the music…and the atmosphere will always be shit there but who wants that when ur wrecked? Time and Envy isnt about real clubbin butt, Its about seein if you can last the night without gettin banged up. Now thats what I called a proper fuckin night out like. Ow boys ow who's playin in the union next week then….?

  • I'm a Swansea jack and proud of it!

    I'm 22 and I've sampled the best of Bristol, Cardiff and swansea as well as having a few great nights out in other parts of the country.

    Having said all that Swansea is not a great city for much but for pubbing and clubbing its just fantastic and I mean that its just the Mecka!

    To start of Wine St cant be faulted – a street devoted to quality bars ranging from Yates and Walkabout to The Lounge (smoke free), no sign bar. its just the best and the atmosphere on a hot Friday night in the middle of the summmer bloody hell what a party atmosphere people in swansea we know how to have a good time.

    Then there's the Kingsway another bloody great idea – so we have a pubbing area now how about a clubbing area 5 mins walkaway with Time & Envy well documented on this site and dam well worth a visit I spend practically every weekend there and its just a great place to listen to commerical dance, get pissed, admire the top totty which Time has to offer (and theres plenty!)and then go back to theirs – JOB DONE!

    As for the rest Escape's a bit nasty looking. Jumpin Jake is a an ever rising star. Big setup inside and attracts lots of fine women. Quids is the old clubbing legend of the Kingsway cramped conditions and sweaty teenage nights it has to be tried.
    Flares is great just for a laugh if nothing else and the old faithful kings diner for early morning kebab and chips…swansea is the clubbing/pubbing capital and things can only get better…long live swansea!

  • nasty boy

    Swansea is an armpit! Some of the people are friendly, yeah, but a few more of them seem to be largered up boyos from the valleys that would as soon as use your head for rugby practice as look at you.

    I suppose you could have a good time here if forced to, but there's very few big cities where you couldn't have a much much better time.

  • jenna

    from the paragragh above i would just like to say i think its aload of shit swansea might not b 1 ov the best places to go clubbin but the person that wrote this needs to get out a bit more and leave his hair dwn wat do he call enjoyable sittin at home worryin if hes missed an episode of emerdale i would jus like to say get out and get a life u don know what could b round the corner u could get hit by a bus 2moro ENJOY YA LIFE N LIVE IT TO THE FULLXXXXX

  • Neil williams

    Personally i think swansea is shite! If u wanna go to time and envy, dont forget ur rugby ball. couple of strongbows for the fat rugby eds and its game on! go to the top bar on a saturday night and join in the line out!
    They wont let u in revolution if ur not on steriods! same goes for p&p! ice bar! i rest my case! Escape used to be quite good until europa closed down and nows its full of scumbags!! rugby boys who f##king needs them.

  • kelly graham

    I started clubbin it at swansea when i was 13, sad to say it was crap then and it's crap now!!
    You always get sad fuckers there tryin to to grope anything with a pulse. Paul Sheperd who is manager of Time night club really knows how to run a shit club, well done.

  • Okay dubbing swansea, and Time and Envy, as "Townie Hell" is extremely unfair. I would not label myself as a "townie" and i thoroughly enjoy going out in swansea and often end up in T+E. To be fair I think the night is what you make it, and if you are going to critisise a minority of people who go to the club, then personally I feel that your problem is not knowing how to have fun.

    I go to uni in cardiff, and whilst I love the nightlife there, I think the beauty of a night out in swansea is the fact that you can start your night gradually in Wind st and then within such close proximity make your way to the clubs, which dispite the misguided critisism, I think are a fab place to spend your night.

    Lets not forget that swansea is under quite a lot of development at the moment, as I'm sure people can all see on entering the city via portalbot way, so we can all hope for an array of more attractions to make our city even more beautiful than I think it is allready. Please try to see past your narrow mindedness, I think every night is what you make of it, and every city you visit has its own specialities, its just a matter of looking beyond the ends of your noses.

  • cezza

    £8!!! the most expensive night is saturday which is £5 before 11 and £7 after, the only drink costing £4 is a double spirit with mixer!!! so be fare. i don't work there or have anything to do with it, but i do visit there, thursdays or saturdays and i have got to say that the place is full of women of all varieties and full of guys from business men to scumbags (same as most other 2000 capacity clubs in the uk) so have a drink with your friends, chat up a girl or 4 and be merry! thats what going out is all about!
    everywhere in the world would be crap if you went there with your attitude. swansea has a higher ratio of girls to boys than most places in the uk so its hard not to have a good time!

  • james

    im 19 and have been going out in swansea town for a good 4 and a 1/2 years now. I have a moderate to fair understanding of swansea, its places, its people and the type of nightlife enjoyed by swanseas differing social groups. Time and envy a townie scum hole? the answer can be both 'yes' and 'no' depending on how you view the situation. If your out looking for a bad time then definatly there are good few gold nuggets of despair to be found and to focus on in time. If your in time looking for someone who fits your understanding of what a townie is then you will find a fair few and you will force a 'downer' on your evening. The fact is townie's can be assholes (it is an unfortuante fact) however assholes are every where in every clubs in swansea, in bristol, in london in anywhere you visit. The key to a good night is enjoy those around you who are not assholes, stick close with your friends and others who you deem social acceptable.
    Ive been out in and enjoyed all the clubs in swansea, escape when its face off and dance/funky house on saturdays, barons monday, wednesday and thursday, rasputin, wind-street and so on. If your out in swansea then you have to accept the townie element. I have encountered townies in each of all the aforemntioned clubbing establishments. To sum up my discussion i must reiterate a previous point, there is always a negative group or element in any club you go, in swansea the common referal to such a person acting in such a way is a 'townie', other places just chose a different name to label similar trouble making problem groups.

  • Ah cum on mate I agree Swansea is not the best. But if you don't know what clubbing is all about then you really need to get out more. Its just about having a good time with people you care about. I admit there are a lot and I mean a lot of better places to go but theres a lot worse to. Im not from Swansea or a townie I just did my degree there and have to say all the townies I talked to on a drunken journey home from the kingsway were very nice townies. But unlike me you seem a little jumped up and afraid of meeting new people whatever their image or background! You should bear in mind next time someone drunkenly tries to make friendly conversation. They may just be a little less fortunate in their upbringing than you and your mates respectable gf's

  • I can't believe how serious some of the posts on here are. Time and Envy is like any other Luminar venue in the U.K. If you want cheap thrills then it's your place. If your really into your clubbing, try somewhere like Cardiff, Bristol or Birmingham. After a visit to clubs like Bambu in Birmingham or Ministry in London, you wont wanna go to shitholes like Time ever again.

  • maranda

    im 18 and have been going clubbing to swansea for a couple of years. i rarely go to town but when i do iv really enjoy and ive got time and envy to thank for that. i end up there at the end of the night and i always intend on going other places but i dont
    the atmosphere is great the people are the best and weather your a towny or no everybody seems to get on i rarely see bad fights there.
    its not that expensive ive been to some clubs and paid £12 to get in so dont knock it.

  • jemma and iesha

    the point of clubbing is to take your mind of any problems and just genrally have a good time whether ur drinking or not! Also stereotyping people with checkshirts is very wrong my dad has 1 and is nothing like the person u described! also i could stereotype u if i wanted im guessing ur sum fat geek how do u lk that 1 fatty ?
    So dont go Dissin other peoples Clubs when only u dont enjoy them because ur 2 up tight and cant have fun !And yes gettin all sweaty is quite fun !
    Also its not a townie club at all their is a wide range of people that go there ! if u dont like it dont cum back! EVER U LOSER!

  • gemma

    I'm 25 and i love going to envy rather than time, its the perfect end to the evening and the dj is lovely! There is no attitude in here, like what you get in other clubs, and a good sense of community. I love the music Rnb and hip hop, I recommend it!

  • Linzi

    I luv Envy…not so much Time thou, but thats cos im not in2 that kind of music!!
    I like a sat nite but sun nite is soooooooo much better! The ppl r gr8…no attitude + its cheap!!
    Iv never bn interestd in goin 2 London or Cardiff…rather b sumwhere where i kno the ppl + i kno il hav a fab nite!!

  • shell

    erm time sucks……..i hate the place, im a student living in swansea, n yes i agree thet comments r a bit serious n yes the original post was a bit exaggerated also but it still doesnt change the fact that TIME SUCKS!! (envy isnt too bad on a monday night……..unless u get all the time goers coming upstairs thinking its hilarious to 'mosh')

  • yohan croyft

    swansea where oh where to begin. There are more steroids per square foot in swansea than in the rest of the uk put together. Roidolution aka revo is a festering shit hole. Now it used to be ok with all the cunts under one roof but now they spill out to places like P&P (justin if you read this sort it out you are way to slack on drug use in your pub). And you even get the cretins in social bars like the lounge etc. Swansea is and always be a rip roaring roller coaster of wankers and slags with just small handfull of good people thrown in to fuck them up. All the best who read this and do what I did and get the fuck out of here.

  • Charl

    At the end of the day… If you don't like it, don't bother going there! I personally really enjoy going to Time & Envy… Of coarse, as with anywhere else you are going to get the odd asshole up for a fight or whatever, but at the end of the day, it's wrong to say all these assholes are centraliesd in Time & Envy. I think you need to broaden your minds a bit and take a look around. As with each city having its "townies", so does each club. Let's not be so naive. If it bothers you so much, don't bother going there! You want to see these assholes- Go fo Face/off on a Friday night in Escape. Apparently jumping around punching people, aka "moshing" is fun? Yeah… sure thing!

  • Caradog

    face it you swansea jacks- swansea is a dump, populated by a bunch of narrow minded tossers- WORD!

  • Anonymous

    after reading your insanely unfair evaluation of time and envy nightclub i have come to the conclusion that not even the most even the most patient person on earth could take you out and try to show you how to enjoy yourself at a night club, that would take a sense of fun and an open minded personality which you dont seem to have, iftime and envy is not your thing i suggest you keep away and let us 'townies' enjoy ourself without the obvious pleasure im sure your company wouls bring!

  • Anonymous

    your all just stupid arging over a nightclub if u ask me if u like it you like it if you dont you dont so just shut up

  • Every city in Britain has good parts and bad parts. You go clubbin in Time, you get your townies/chavs/herberts etc you go down Mumbles you get your pretentious clique. It's horses for courses wherever you go. If you love dance music and getting mashed, go to Escape, if you don't like dance music and getting mashed then DON'T GO to Escape. It really is that simple! You tell me one city in the UK that doesn't have "Towny" clubs? London? You go to Leicester Sq on a Friday night and the place is swarming with the little chavsters, all with their gold, benny sherman shirts, kickers with metal buckles and gelled up hair. So stop your moning about Time/Envy and fuckin get on with it. Go down H20 cause you sound like a bunch of hommes, bitchin about Swansea. It's a wicked place to grow up and the birds are prettier than any I've seen in London (Been living there for 4 years). Yes it's narrow minded and everyone's built like arnie, but if you've got a good group of mates with open minds, you'll have a corkin night

  • Nasty Nick

    To be brutally honest mate, you sound like a student bore. You need to stop moaning about shit and start enjoying yourself. I grew up on Thursdays in Time and the place was a right laugh. Have a couple of bevvies on Wind Street then stumble down the Kingsway for a top night. If you wanna be poncy about clubbin then obviously you need to get yourself into some of the big clubs in Manchester, Birmingham, London etc Then you can name drop to your mates. Time and Envy are places where what you see is what you get. It doesn't pretend to be The Cross or Turnmills, it's just a place where you go to have a few beers and a laugh where there are friendly faces, and the birds are FIT.
    Quite frankly it seems to me that your ugly little ass got blown out several times and now you're bitchin as revenge. If I was you pal, I'd stick to your Snakebite and Black down at the Uni bar listening to the levellers. Get a job and get a wash, you stinky student free loader.

  • Sarah

    How sad r u lik goin on bout how u dunt lik Time n Envy! aint u got ne fin betta to slag off get a life ! but it has to b sed Time n Envy is fukin Bangin 😀 Best place to go afta Wind Street! Tops a great nite off !!

  • Ur Right!!!!!! Time&envey is total shit!! i have have been lucky enough to see this club go from crap to pure shit, i hate the way that as soon as u walk in there the guys seem to stare like their checking u out deciding which one of them gets to paw u, and before u know it there's some dumb idiot spitting and fumbling over u, even worse are the slappers that i ahve to say it, wear tiny little skirts[nothing wrong with that], but they have like half a ton of cellulite hanging out and they look like they haven't had a bikini wax in ages. Having said that it does hold some memories for me and for that i say thanku, it can be great, although now i'ed rather a life. Isn't it great to be grown up and civilised!!!!!!!!!!

  • swanseaisfullofshit

    to update the apparent club scene in swansea in 2010, I can intently say that swansea is a shit tip, full of girls who dress in as little clothes as possible in some sortof attempt to be the most 'attractive' through outdoing their friends. Men just go around with their erection preying for some sad loose whore who will go home with them and this observation of pathetic animalistic bollox is just sick. How the hell are you supposed to enjoy a night out, when you have two people practically having sex right in front of you, people bumping in to you when your having a dance, drink being spilt everywhere, people peeing all over the place and the witnessing of at least one fight? is this really having fun? or just being stupidly drunk not to care about the disgusting behaviour going on right in front of your face. clubbing in swansea is shit, my conclusion is that it isnt the clubs but the fact that the majority of people lack morals and common decency to enable others to enjoy without the prospect of being annoyed, having drink poured all over you, being knocked about or having people juicing all over you!

  • Night Clubs are mostly all full of roidmonkey towny wankers and their equally stupid townie slapper (see Sarahs comments. She's an example of a typical townie slag- cant even write a coherent fucking sentence!) counterparts. If your IQ is anywhere past 80 I'd give it a wide berth. Theres only so many trendy townie wankers, fat orange townie slags and shit music and overpriced alcohol I can bare in one night.

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