A few weeks ago, my lovely pregnant wife tells me that she and MissH volunteered to be part of an amateur production of The Vagina Monologues. I believed her.
She said she’d volunteered me to operate the lights for the performance, which meant an all-day tech rehearsal on the Friday for which I’d have to take a day off. I wondered why it’d take 10 hours of rehearsal to operate a light, but I believed her.
She said the rehearsals would be on weekday evenings for a week, so she’d be away for four evenings. I wondered why they wouldn’t be in the afternoon, but I believed her.
She said the rehearsals were in a different pub (near Euston) to the pub where the performance was (in Victoria). I wondered why, but I believed her.
She came home one night with some shopping from Sainsburys. I pondered why I’d never seen a Sainsburys near Euston, but I believed her.
MissH came to stay overnight, because the rehearsals were starting early at 9am. I pondered why, but I believed them.
Apparently, we had to get up early because we were going to drive into town for the rehearsals. I pondered why, but I believed them.
We woke up at the crack of dawn, and my lovely wife and MissH were unduly concerned that I get in the shower quickly. I pondered why, but I believed them.
We got ready to leave the house, and just when I left the house, I realised that my lovely wife hadn’t put her shoes on at all. I pondered why, just when the door slammed in my face and it was revealed that MissH was taking me somewhere random for a lovely weekend. (It later turned out to be a fabulous weekend of muchos drinking and gallivating around Stockholm!)
Now she tells me that she’s joining in NaNoWriMo, which means she’s going to a pub in Camden tonight. I don’t believe her, wonder what’s next in store and am starting to realise that I should never have married an actress … If anyone should find this message…