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It's time to proclaim your loyalty to America

It's time to proclaim your loyalty to America

Picture the scene:

George Bush shuffles onto the podium and announces to all: “Citizens! It is time to do your duty and proclaim your loyalty to America! To whit, I have announced that henceforth, May 1st is to be Loyalty Day in the United States!

Then an aide takes him to one side and whispers: “But sir… you’ve announced this the day before 1st May. What do you expect people to do on Loyalty Day given a day’s notice?”

Another aide then takes him to the other side (a lot of siding to-and-fro here!) and says: “Isn’t this uncomfortably close to the May Day Bank Holiday, sir?”

So, Americans amongst us, what did you do on Loyalty Day?


  • A lot of us danced around the Mulberry tree, to ward off the evil fairies and to attract the good farries, like the good Yankee pagans that we are.

    Later we sweated out our sins in Hopi Indian sweat shacks, and then we pretended to be doing LSD by watching Bush's veto address on CNN via the Internet.

    Finally, we lounged, sipping iced tea on our patios and wondered how hot it might be by the Fourth of July — if it's this hot in May, what's August going to like in Orlando and Miami?

    Hell, folks in Alabama, Mississippi and New Orleans won't have a.c., since their electricity isn't back, since Katrina –'oy, vat ah country!'

  • I'm NOT American, but I went to Starbucks this morning. Does that count?

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